ok so here goes.. a couple weeks ago I caught my husband sending very sexual messages on myspace to some girl he once knew. He was also calling her on the cell phone. When I called him on it at first he denied everything except the fact that he talked to her on the phone. (He said they were just talking about life her kids and work and stuff.)and then when I showed him the messages from myspace he was like well it was just a game and I was drunk, nothing serious. So after a few days he didn't even try to apologize untill I told him how bad it hurt me. So I thought we were ok and I was looking over our cell phone bill only to find out that he called her 58 times in a weeks time and he talked to her for a total of 19 hours. So I started feeling bad again and he got upset with me because he "just wants to forget her". I just don't know what to do , I still love him very much but it feels like i'm at the bottom of the list, Am I too obsessed with this? should I forget about it? help!
Some advise please...?
Your husband spent 19 hours on a 'game' with another woman/girl and you want so desperately to believe him, but the proof speaks for itsself....that was no game, that was a lot of time and energy that should have been spent on you and your marriage. I would be beyond hurt at this point. So I guess you have to decide, do you want to continue being in denial about something that obviously was inappropriate (he can't talk his way out of this one unless you allow it.) or do you want to try to save your marriage? If you decide to try to save your marriage, then he has to be on the same page. If he continues to argue that it was nothing and to leave him alone, then if I were you, I'd kick his butt out the door. I have a feeling he will continue to try to talk his way through this....and it's totally up to you how things play out, you either believe his trash talk or you don't.....but don't hang on to him and wallow in misery, take action and follow thru with it. If you decide to forgive and forget, then move on. Me personally, I could never forget that.
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Obsessed??? Are you kidding??? I would of Freaking KILLED HIM!!!!
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NEVER Forget but try to forgive him for it
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you're not too obsessed with it your concerned and feel bad. you need to tell him that he needs to choose between her and you. if he loves you and honestly "wants to forget her" then he'll pick you. but if he refuses not to stop talking to her in any way then leave him because that means that he obviously doesn't love you more than her. and thats a problem
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Wow, that is a hard spot for you to be in. I would call him out on it. Why does he want to forget her all the sudden? Why 58 calls? Sounds like he is doing anything but trying to forget her.
You are not obsessed-don't forget about it until you feel like it is a dead issue!
Tell him point blank to stop, if he doesn't then you may need to seek other alternatives to your present situation.
IF it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and smells like a duck---it's a duck.
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I agree with Valerie!
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Slap the **** in the face and walk out. Point fukking blank.
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NO. He is obviously lying about this and is trying to keep from hurting your feelings. I really think he is having an affair with her, if it hasn't happened yet, it will. You don't talk that long to someone of the opposite sex just to be friends. And why are you letting him use the excuse that he was drunk. He knew exactly what he was doing. That is the biggest excuse of all time used by men to get them out of trouble
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58 times in a week??? That's obsessed. I would continue to keep an eye out. If it continues after you've confronted him about it, it's time to think about leaving.
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I wouldn't say obsessed, but definitely betrayed.
He has no right to be upset with you. HE was the one in the wrong here and is trying to make you feel guilty. Don't let him do that to you. You should be number one to him.
I think you both need to sit down and discuss this. Let him know how you feel and that he has betrayed your trust. He needs to work at rebuilding it.
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Nope I do not think you are obsessed. Now the question is "should you forget about it?" I think that you and him should probaly sit down and talk about the entire situation. If he (or you)can not or will not sit down and calmly talk about this then you may need to see a counselor to help you talk though this. If he completely refuses to talk to you about this or refuses to see a counselor also then you may need to think about forgetting about him.
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I would have kicked his butt to the curb by now. after that much talking there is something more there than he wants to let on.
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I dont think you are obsessed. He seems to have found something that:
a)makes you angry and sad
b)gives him fun
To be honest, one thing is 58 phonecalls to be seen in a bill, and other would be no phone calls, but hotel rooms to be seen in his credit card bill.
The game until now has been verbal.
Is he drunk all the time then?
Why is he doing this?
I think he can do all he wants, but if one of these things is hurting you, or bothering your confidence on him, he should be more active in order to solve it.
Now you are the worry one and the one that thinks she needs to do something.
let him BE THE ONE who needs to decide, the one who needs to do something about it.
If you let him go on with this, and you are the one who needs to do something, then, where is his active and positive and constructive part?????
let him think how to solve this, it is his problem.
Express him how you feel, give him a time, give him the chance to solve this.
if he doesnt, then you will be in the future the active part and the decition maker, how?? stopping this game rhat plays with your feelings and confidence.
But to begin, he must be active and constructive.
if not, he will be the destructive.
and you will be the decition maker.
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ask him how he'd be feeling if it was you flirting a doing all that? probably feeling just as cr@ppy. He needs to show you and make you feel that he's truly sorry and will never do that again. you have every right to feel betrayed and upset.
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i went out with a guy like this.....
tells you how much he's loves you and you're the only one for him.....(and he sounds soooooooo sincere!!!)......yet, turns around and does this kind of stuff behind your back? (did it get it right?)....but since its not physical touching - you assume that its not cheating right?
he really doesn't love you as much as he's sounds like he does..... - some one in love would never do that to the person they care for....... sometimes i can be so blind to see what is right in fron t of my face....talking on the phone to a friend of the opposite is ok! - i have guy friend that are like my brothers..... but the myspace bull s.h.i.t.... is ridiculous....
my ex had a myspace that i was unaware of and it said he was single and there for dating..... - until one day i got a phone call from my friend who told me she had just found it....
it took so long for me to figure out that talking to someone in that manner (sexually) is just as much emotionally cheating than having sex with someone....
just make sure that he knows you don't the drama of having to worry about what he's doing.....i personally don't belive in snooping, but if your gut instinct tells you somethings up, then you should definately red flag your thoughts.... they are usually right on target....
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NO. You should tell him to pack his trash. Then, call a counselor and tell her that you are scared for your marraige and you need individual counseling and that you both need couples counseling. Tell him that he needs to move out, or you need to move out until this is completely resolved. There are underlying problems and this is just a symptom. He needs to cut ties to her altogether. Change cell # and get off of the compter even if you have to shut off the internet for the time being. No explaination and no arguement. If he refuses to see reason, you can tell him that you will do one of two things You will file for legal separation and go through counseling toward reconcilliation or you will file for divorce if he refuses. Stand your ground and play no games. do not agree to any deals.He will either come around or not. You can love him all you want to, but he eihter needs to work through this, or hit the road, becuase if he does not work through this it will be another woman, or another relationship he seeks. This has nothing to do with YOU most often , it has to do with HIM and his sense of entitlement in his life. If it is addressed, you both have a good chance of being happy together. If it is not adressed, he will keep doing stupid things until you get so nutty you finally leave for your own good, but only after a lot of pain and hurt and wasted time. I personally think that this is fixable, but you have to be agressive and not just sweep it under the rug. Staying in the same house is not a good idea as it does not make him see that this has separated you unless it ACTUALLY separates you. Men have to have OBVIOUS consequences and OBVIOUS paths to reunite or they will not respond with anything but arguements. Trust me.
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19 f*cking hours I'd have his balls in a blender! that is outragous pack him a suitcase and throw it out in lawn that is the closest he'd ever get to coming back into my house
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I don't know about you...but I can never forget something that like that. I wouldn't be able to continue on with him....sorry!
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he obviously isnt being honest with you about what is going on with them so you have choices to make.you need to sit down and have a real conversation about your marriage.if this girl from his past is more important to him than you and his family then it may be time to move on.he needs to decide what he wants because she came from no where and now he is willing to lose his family over her.
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You have her number invite her over to dinner, spent alot of his money taking the two of you to the spa and a weekend out.
Ask her if she wants him or if he is just having issues that you reject listening to. If she wants him tell her you've always dreamt of a threesome and you don't like felling left out. Enjoy this could be an entirely new aspect of your marriage.
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From a males point of view: Thats cheating and hes lying. Dont be oblivious to what is really happening. See a lawyer, now !!!
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NO! Your not too obsessed and, you should NOT forget about
it! Some thing is definitely going on if it hasn't started yet. I
know because I put my wife through the same thing. I tried to
justify it due to low self esteem etc. I did not know this woman but, one day when chatting on line she sent me her pic
with out clothes and, it enticed me enough to want to meet her. But, my wife found out about my emails one day and, she contacted the other woman for info. Then the woman
wanted to team up with my wife to get my reaction. To say
the least, I broke my wife's heart and, almost destroyed our marriage. I thank my Lord Jesus Christ for his mercy and, for comforting my wife and restoring what the enemy just about took away from me. I will keep you in prayer. Don't
stand idle! Your husband needs to REPENT and, ask for your and, GOD'S forgiveness in Jesus NAME. Amen.
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First of all, you have no reason to be blaming yourself. your husband is making you feel guilty for something that he did. I would suggest that you and your husband talk about it. if he interrups you, tell him it's your turn. Explain to him how much it hurts you what he is doing.
if things do not change, threaten to divorce him (although divorce is not really in the picture). I bet you that the word divorce will wake him up from his fantasy dream of this girl.
Good luck and I hope you guys work it out :C)
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