Monday, December 28, 2009

Should I have written this letter to my ex?

Okay so me and my ex were seriously together for over two years. When we first met everything seemed to be going okay. I admit sometimes I acted like a child and gave in too much. I gave everything I had into this relationship, and so did she. But after over a year things seemed to change for my ex-gf. (Broke up with me once, shame on me) She started telling me how to run things, what to do (like I was a child), pressuring me to get her a promise/committment ring. I gave everything she wanted all the love and support, but at the same time, she didn't know what she wanted in life and didnt seem to return all the feelings. (Broke up with me twice, shame on her) During that last year she had denied me as a bf, while she was on a solo trip to Vegas, always begged for me to come over to her place when she knew I was working, tried to change who I was as a person. She is the type of person that argues a lot, and is afraid to get criticized when someone criticizes her. So I got tired one day, about 4 weeks ago, chewed her out a little bit for telling me how to run my life, left my car in tears. Before that I give her the option of breaking up w/ me. So then, two weeks later, she calls me up twice in one week, one for something different another day she needed help with something, in which I think she was setting me up for something and she says shes just checking on me. But I told her I couldnt help her since I was busy with a friend that day. So then a week later, my best friend tells me she has a new boyfriend, which we and our neighbors know this is a rebound bf. I have told her that I don't want any contact from her til she grows up. Sometimes, I feel this is my fault completely, and that I gave in too much throughout the last year, and for standing up to her like that on that very last day. And again, last night she called to check up on me and asked me if I was ready to be friends w/ her. This is the third time in four weeks that she has called to check up on me, and she kept saying to me she thought I was going to call her. I dont wanna be rude but I believe in not contacting her, but I'm the one that waits for her to call and like a DAMN FOOL I always pick up just to see what she wants, nothing more. And everytime I pick up the phone, I always keep it brief. First time she called after our breakup it was for something different. Second time that she called, I mentioned to her that I was in class and that I had a 'date' to prepare for. And she gave me a SURPRISED "Oh.....I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just checking on you". Was that childish of me to do that, tell her what I'm doing? I realize it was, but I think I did it out of anger, even though I did have a date. Any opinions? Third time, she called called me in the afternoon while I was at work. And again, she said "Hey, what are you doing" (very softly). So I responded, "I'm busy right now, what do you want?". She says "I'm just checking on you, are you ready to be friends?". I didn't give her a straight yes or no answer. I may never give her a straight answer. Tell me if I'm wrong to do that. But anyways, if she does call again, I will just simply say "Listen, I'm busy" or "I've got company over, right now. MAYBE I'll talk to you l8r". That third time, she had asked if I'm ever going to call her, because she said "I thought YOU were going to call me when you are ready?" And this was only 4 weeks after she broke up with me. I'm not ready, but I feel that she is rushing me when she says that. Yes, I did tell her I may call her. Now when I said that and she may have waited, am I playing mind games with her or not? Because it seems like she may be expecting my call at anytime. Now my friend says that he saw on her myspace profile that she feels loved. I am assuming and know this is from her rebound boyfriend. Is that possible to feel love from a rebound boyfriend after only 4 weeks of her breaking up with me? And why would she be trying to call me three times within the last four weeks, just to simply check up on me while she had the nerve to ask if she wanted to be friends w/ me? Even if she has a bf now, I wrote/sent her a letter through regular mail stating this:



"Dear Mary Grace,



We have known each other for almost 3 years, but its been long enough for us to know that we did and still care about each other, I know that is NOT going to change, but I think that your expectations towards our relationships were a little too high for both of us to handle. Life, be it yours or others, isn't a game.



You say that you were in love with me and we told each other our dreams of having kids and a family. You know what the saying goes "While I have a Coke, she thinks of marriage?" In this case I think it fully applies because NEITHER one of us were ready. So before things move to a different level, I think it would be best if you stopped contacting me for about while. I will call you when I'm ready.



I am incapable of hurting you, like you did to me, so please consider this to be a proof of how much I still care for you. At the moment, I want to be on my own, "having my Coke, and hanging about".......Trust me, if I'm telling you these things, its because I have always been honest w/ you. And because I don't want us to hate each other, like YOU THINK I am hating you. I don't hate you. It's not in my vocabulary.



But I just want you to know that I do respect you as a friend, but I also want you to



respect me when I tell you I need my space right now, to figure myself out. I'll call



you when I'm ready. In the meantime, do what you have to do, and I'll do what I have



to do. And I will never forget you. So don't worry about me. I'll be fine."



Now, is there a particular 'waiting game' on both of our parts? With a girl like her



how long would it take for her respond to something like this? And is it wrong for me



to send her a letter like this? And if you were Mary Grace how would you respond?



She was the type of girl that needed to be pampered, have someone understand her,



always planned out her future, always needed to have a boyfriend to run her life. etc.



And what would a girl like her be thinking? I'm 30 and she is 25



Should I have written this letter to my ex?

you are writing to much!!!



Should I have written this letter to my ex?

This somewhat sounds like my ex (who I broke up with twice and...well, look up a recent question I asked here heh)



The best advice I can give for this situation is to let it go. Don't let her drag you down with her. If you've broken up a certain amount of times and really gone through everything you say you have, it's just not worth it. If she keeps coming back, it honestly isn't for love, it's for something else. Turn away and don't look back.



My ex...sure, it was great in the beginning months, it almost always is, but it wasn't long before it just became a big pain. Her constant calls when I was at work or busy. I talked to her anyway almost each night, she knows I'd call when I wasn't busy and ugh...she just didn't understand.



Turn and don't look back man, just turn and don't look back.



Should I have written this letter to my ex?

If I were you, I would stop answering the phone if you are serious about moving on. This will give her a very clear message that you don't want to be contacted for a while. Every time you answer the phone, she thinks its okay to keep calling you. Some people have a hard time letting go, it sounds like both of you do.



Yes, it is possible to fall in love with someone so soon after breaking up with another...



The waiting part is until you feel like you can be just friends with her, and feel that she can just be friends with you - and stay within those boundaries you set forth. It doesn't matter if you shouldn't have sent the letter or not..you already did..so my suggestion would be to stick by what you asked and dont pick up the phone when she calls and don't talk to her when she responds to the letter - because it sounds like she will.



If you are ready to move on, then do it, no matter how hard it may be. And don't let her keep calling you, it will only be worse for both of you.



Should I have written this letter to my ex?

I think you handled it quite well. The email was well written and I believe there's no easier way to tell her. If she still calls you after this, you might want to try to just switch to a new number. I know you still love her and it's difficult to separate yourself from her, but if you really want to get out from this relationship, you must do what's best to detach. Good luck!



Should I have written this letter to my ex?

wow, you're 30 and she's 25. i was expecting something more like 17 and 18...



but um.. you should move on. you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders. she's already moved on, or trying to at least, being that she keeps calling you.



change you number, or just stop accepting her calls, you need to lose contact with her for awhile. give it 2 months at least, and you'll feel a lot better. i promise.



Should I have written this letter to my ex?

Put her in the past and get a life of your own. It is obvious that she didn't care for you as you did for her. It seems to me that you were just a life style for her, as easily as she replaced you... like you said "she always needed to have a boyfriend to run her life". You aren't the one playing games, it has been her all along. Don't wait for her to respond to your letter, although it was nice of you to tell her that you still care for her she probably wont take it to heart. Move on and find someone who you don't have to struggle with to enjoy a relationship.

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