Heres the whole story (Bare with me )?

My girl and i have been together for 2 1/2 years we recently moved in together to a real nice place.the last year has been complete hell. I can completly handel my resonpinsibilities around the house, thats not a prob for me but she will sit on her *** as soon as she comes home and gets on myspace for atleast 4 hours, while i cook dinner and clean up the place a lil bit its been llike that for a while. I have had so many endless conversations about what needs to be done around the house in a nice way. i feel like i have to treat her like a lil kid for her to listen to me, but she usaully doesnt anyway. i love the girl so much, but i just turned 21 (Holy **** right)lol u know how many times i went to the bar since my b-day??? Once! She is so jealous of me and overbaring its terrible. its like asking permission from my mother to have a drink with th fellas,not cool. At a complete lose for what to do. Everything is always my fault and she always brings up the past and compares it to now.

Heres the whole story (Bare with me )?

Tell me, did you see absolutely NO evidence of this behavior in the 2 1/2 previous years before you moved in together? What was her relationship with her parents like? Honestly, I think you have already decided what you want to do, you are just looking for some people to tell you it's ok.

Well, I'm not one of those people.

The truth is, she was probably this way at home with her parents or former roommates as well. If she had no roommates before, then she is just reverting back to previous habits that she probably ditched while she was alone because no one else was there to do anything. People are who they are, and this is why it is so dangerous teaching people to always be independent with an independent lifestyle. In this scenario you have no one else to tell you what you can and can't do, thus you develop habits that maybe fine when you live alone, but they don't mix well when others are added to the equation. Your girlfriend believes you should be taking care of her every need, for whatever reason. One of those reasons is probably because you do it all the time.

So what do you need to do?

The short answer is get tough and grow some thicker skin. You're going to have to tolerate some stuff that's going to drive you crazy. First, if you are computer savvy, set time restrictions through the parental controls. If you aren't, and this WILL lead to a fight, walk in and turn the computer off while she's on it. Understand, she's acting like a child, so you must begin treating her like one. You are setting boundaries. It is extremely important you remain consistent. It is of even greater importance that you never, ever lie about why you are doing these things. No jokes. No playful jibes. I'm doing this because you're acting like a child. When you start showing some responsibility, I'll start giving some.

Second, stop asking "can I". You are a grown man and not a husband. You don't need your girlfriend's permission to do anything. Is better to have it? Yes, but only when she has shown the ability to not abuse that power. Letting someone else control where you go and when once you move out of your parents house is a privilege, not a right. If she can't handle having other people in your life besides her, then perhaps she is the thing that needs to change. But if you truly love her, then helping her see the error of her ways is the primary goal so the two of you can have a healthy relationship.

Third, stop doing the things you asked her to do. This may mean dishes go unwashed, her clothes go unwashed, and rooms go unkept. This will be a major eyesore to you, but you have to stay strong. She will get pissed and do things in an angry manner, but they will get done. Again, you're acting like a child, so I'm going to treat you like one. Parents don't as their kids' permission to go out. Parent's don't ask their kids' permission for anything. They dictate. If she wants clean clothes, she better wash them. If she wants clean dishes, she better wash them. If she wants a clean house when people come over, she better help take care of it. When she asks for things, set ground rules for obtaining what she wants. When she gets mad explain it again. She'll eventually get the message. I'm not daddy and mommy. I'm your boyfriend. I'm a human being who deserves to be treated kindly and fair, the same way you want to be treated. But if you're going to act like my little sister, I'm going to treat you that way until you grow up.

Fourth, stop being selfish. I know you are probably wondering how I can call you selfish in all of this, but there is nothing in your explanation to suggest you have tried putting yourself in her shoes and seeing it from her side. If she had issues growing up at home, you have to be sensitive to that. If she's going through some emotional trauma you don't know about, you need to learn it. There's more than just your side to this story, and you're the only who knows it. Start playing detective and find out some deeper reasons driving her behavior. I promise, if you will take the time to watch and learn, you will begin to see the driving force of some of these issues and that will help to start clearing it up.

Finally, if you truly love her, you have to accept that it just may not be in the cards for the two of you. You've obviously either rushed into this phase, or just not taken any time to consider the consequences of such an action because you talk like you never saw it coming. I find that hard to believe if you've known her for 2 1/2 years. It's probably more along the lines that you thought moving in with you would help her change and be better. You actions of setting boundaries with her could drive her to leave you. You have to be ok with this, having an understanding that you are A) doing what's best for her, and B) doing what is best for you. Do you want her like this for the next 20-50 years? So which is better? Being a hard *** for a few months until she wakes up and you form a solid relationship and understanding, or she gets tired of not being able to sit around on the internet for hours at a time and leaves you? What have you really lost at that point? It will hurt and you'll feel like douche for having treated her that way, but parents feel bad when punishing their children, and all people feel bad about having to confront someone's destructive behavior. That doesn't mean it shouldn't be done.

Love shows itself in two forms: Mercy with traces of grace, and punishment meant for correction. Both are valid samples of loving someone. You've tried to be nice and it hasn't worked. Now it's time to show her that her actions are not ok.

Heres the whole story (Bare with me )?

grow a pair would ya. Tell that wench to fetch your beer and make you a sammich. After she does that tell her you expect that place clean when you get back from the nudie bars with your friends. After coming back from the nudie bars you are gonna want freaky, wild money sex and she better be ready. Make sure she has a friend there to join in.

Heres the whole story (Bare with me )?

I think this is a power thing, so you've got to either decide if you're the ends or the means are more important to you.

The means: do your thing and mimic her efforts around the place; let her be the one to address the condition of things

The ends: ask her what chores she is willing to adopt, and no subjective answers; demand specifics

Heres the whole story (Bare with me )?

Sounds like you'd better solve these problems or jump ship. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life like this?

You'd better weigh the good vs. bad %26amp; make a tough decision!